Getting excited for the Cascade Bicycle Club RSVP ride in 2 weeks. We will be crossing into Canada from Seattle to Vancouver, British Columbia with 2500 enthusiastic cyclists. In preparation, I planned a crack-of-dawn ride this morning with my friend Jen.
Early into the ride we started talking about dating. Jen is single and a catch. I always enjoy hearing about her dating antics. When she asks, I hope to lend sound advice. This morning Jen shared a bit about someone in Portland who didn’t make the cut. This unfortunate fellow has an “anxious attachment style,” according to Jen. My buddy is obviously looking for someone with a “secure attachment style.”
As our very serious conversation about attachment styles and probable early childhood trauma occurred, I couldn’t help but wonder when dating got so complicated. In addition to navigating social media and Internet matches, dating in middle age seems to bring unique challenges. Along with decades of dating mishaps/baggage, children from other relationships, and erectile dysfunction, there is an attachment style that needs to line up.
It seemed simpler in the past. For example, in our 30’s we looked at potential partners as breeders and parents. Security, kindness, responsibility, loyalty, family medical history…all important considerations.
The 20’s. Not that complex. I think that it went something like “you smell good…alrighty then.” Ah, the lessons of life.
All of this insight before 8 am.
- Wisdom just flows on a bike when women start talking.
- Jackpot. I found secure attachment, a great parent, AND he smells good.
- Human compatibility is a complex matrix.